…she chose life

Even though I’ve wanted to adopt for a long time, and the home study process and seemingly never-ending application process appeared to be overwhelming drawn out (ha! in actuality our 6 month start-to-finish process was nothing) I was not prepared for the birth mom experience.

When we started I remember thinking, “I don’t want to talk to the birth mom or anything” because in my naiveity I thought it would somehow take away from my attachment.  Fears crept in and I believed that my future child would reject me as his mother if I kept in touch with his birth mom.  Instead of trusting in the One who creates life, I had decided to develop my own reality that would seemingly “protect” me and my child.

Nothing could have been further from the truth…and even from the very first phone call shared between our birth mom and me; it was apparent- God loves this woman and wanted us to share in His compassion.  My heart went out to the 20 year old girl, who shared that her whole pregnancy had been stressful because of her family’s lack of support about her decision to give her baby up for adoption.  As she stated on her application, the only other option she considered was abortion and in the end “her faith” is what led her to carry this baby into the world- despite knowing how hard it would be to give him up, she chose life…she chose love.

After receiving the shocking “she’s in labor” call (3 weeks early)- I had 20 hours of driving to contemplate the situation and try to put myself in our birthmom’s shoes, if even just for a small glimpse.  God gave me such love for this woman I’d never met and when we finally walked into the hospital to meet her, I felt so connected that I couldn’t help but care about her.  She is a quiet, strong woman and I could tell from the moment I walked in that she was confident in her decision.  Immediately holding out her baby boy to place him in my arms was her simple yet resounding, “I trust you” and I was overwhelmed.

From the moment our child entered this world, he was wanted.  This was not a situation where his mom didn’t care- in fact, it was just the opposite.  She cared so much and knew, because of many reasons, that she could not provide for this baby well on her own.  Within the adoption world, this scenario is much more common- and something that I was not necessarily prepared for.  I hadn’t realized the reality behind many adoptions…the sacrifice and strength it takes to give your child up.

On the last day, after Josiah’s birth mom signed his papers and gave away her child, she asked to see us one last time.  With tears in her eyes, she stared up at us and simply said “Please tell him that I love him, and I did this because I love him.  Will you make sure he knows who I am, and that he knows that I care about him?”  As tear drops fell across my face, I nodded over and over…”of course, of course, we’ll tell him, we honor you, we are forever grateful to you…thank you…”  Then she opened her arms for a hug and we held her- so grateful for her decision, so unaware of anything else.

After praying for her and blessing her one more time…we walked out her hospital room door and the only thing I kept saying was “she’s amazing, isn’t she amazing?”  Her strength and beauty overwhelmed me and I couldn’t help but shake my head in disbelief as our son was brought to us moments later.  She chose us to love her little boy for the rest of his days.  She chose us to be his mom and dad.

She chose life.

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14 responses to “…she chose life

  1. Meghan Carpenito

    Could you make me cry anymore?

  2. I agree with Meghan. Wow.

  3. beautiful post krista…wow

  4. Krista: that was really powerful. And you made me cry! I’m so glad you bonded with her and can really fully appreciate her gift.

  5. I’m with Meghan…. wow! She chose life, but she couldn’t have done that without knowing that you guys would take care of him. She had to have felt what all of us who know you know — that you will be great parents and will give him the life that he deserves. I’m so inspired by you! You were given a gift, and so was she!

  6. I don’t even know what to say, except add me to the crying list! What an amazing and powerful story. What amazing and strong women you both are!

  7. Great post Krista!

  8. Ha that was Tracie Loux, apparently my son is logged on! 🙂

  9. amy (african teaching buddy)

    wow krista…beautiful post. i couldn’t be more happy and excited for you guys!! :o)

  10. SO beautiful. Thank you for sharing.

  11. I read your post and tears came as I was remembering our own birth mother encounter. You are right about this type of encounter being the more common situation. Our birthmother was also 20 and in a hard situation. She was driving to get an abortion and her mother talked her out of it. We got connected and in one phone conversation with her I was hooked and connected. She went through so much duringthe pregnancy, but through it all chose love over comfort and when our daughter was born she chose not to see her till the papers were signed. 13 hrs old, our daughter laid in her birthmothers arms for the first time and we all sat together like a little mixed matched family that God had ordained. The next day our birth mom called us into her room. I was nervous even though all the paperwork was done. On her night stand was a huge gift bag for our daughter filled with the cutest little girlie things. She had sent her boy friend out to shop for our daughter. When she was discharged she came in and told us that she was confident in us and that she was so thankful to us. Then as she walked away across the parking lot I cried and was so overwhelmed to see her walking away from the hospital with just an overnight bag. I was holding the most precious gift I had ever received and I just thanked God. We haven’t heard from our brith mother in about 7 mo. but we pray for her often. We will be sending her a letter with pictures in Sept. as it is our daughters 2nd birthday.
    Blessings

  12. Thank you for sharing. Yes, what a gift we all have in each other.

  13. Pingback: the birth story | For some reason…

  14. Iris Del Castillo

    Krista, vecina, you are amazing! just read your Adoption and She chose life posts… can´t stop crying. Thanks for sharing your heart. You should write a book someday!
    Miss you! Hope to meet Joshi soon… in PTY!
    Dios te bendiga vecina!

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