*editor note: The title of this post is identical to the name of my husband’s secret fake blog. “Fake” meaning that the blog address exists but nothing has actually been written on it yet…and he’s had it for over a year. Bart says I stole the title…I’d like to think of it as “borrowing”. Thanks honey.
So, last week I considered myself a consistent blogger…was very proud of my accomplishment of several blogs in one week, two in one day even. Ha! And now look at me- slacker…I’d like to think it’s because of out-of-town visitors and perhaps due to the fact that Josiah decided to try out “insomniac” for a nickname- the last two days he rarely slept in the daytime. It’s those times that make me realize how selfish I am- how unimportant it is to be able to type with two hands or drink coffee without the fear of a spill scaulding my infant son or go to the bathroom when I want to. I mean, really, krista- suck it up.
Anyway, aside from that I have been thinking about my lack of “rsvp-ing” to Jesus these days. Motherhood is one of those things that creeps in and then one day “blam!” – your time is not your own anymore. I’m a fan of schedules for the most part and so, where schedules cease, so does my motivation. What I don’t understand is that when I’m freaking out at my lack of patience or self-control; I don’t automatically relate it to the simple truth that I need to spend time with my Lord. He IS patience, kindness, gentleness and all the rest…and that is the only place those beautiful attributes will truly come from. Sure, I can muster up a bit on my own- but it’s pretty pathetic and I fail miserably very quickly.
See, Jesus sends me invitations all the time. The Bible is full of them. One of my favorites at the moment is “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28) I think, oh yes, that’s awesome- so great…just like I do when I receive a wedding invitation…I get excited and ooh and ahh over the prettyness and thrill that the special day will be. Then what do I do? File it- and by filing I mean “stuff it in the nearest junk pile”. Do I immediately rsvp? Never. Oh, that would be the smart thing to do because inevitably I end up realizing the rsvp deadline is fast approaching and then I’m scrambling to find the darn piece of paper and self addressed stamped envelope…ahhhhh! Just like with Jesus…if I took Him up on His offer right away, I wouldn’t find myself in desperation mode like the other night when my husband looked at me wide-eyed and asked me quietly, “are you okay”? If I immediately responded to each one of His invitations by saying yes…what kind of a mother would I be? A way better one than the kind that tries to do it on her own (aka: me). And I’m realizing my rsvp won’t look the same as it did before. It may just be a few simple songs that I sing to Him as I load the dishwasher for the millionth time or the verse I pray over myself as I change poopy diaper number 212. (Just kidding, I am not keeping track)
I’d like to say I spend more time responding to Jesus than ever now that I’m a stay-at-home mom, but the truth is, I don’t. And what I am realizing is that God’s promise to “give me rest” does not necessarily mean a whole night of uninterrupted sleep with a wake up time of 9am. No, it’s much deeper than that, much better than that (although that kind of night sounds heavenly). Jesus promises to give me rest in ways that no one else can…to liven my Spirit so I can do all things in Him…it’s eternal peace and grace to face whatever each day holds and it’s good, because it’s God. And God is good.