Epiphany #247 about myself. I like to do things WHEN I want to do them. While I am sure other people are this way, I am not sure it’s as bad as my case of MY TIME whoes. Sometimes its not necessarily “me time” that I want (although I do love that too), as much as it’s just that I want to do things at a certain time, or in a certain way. God and I have been working this control thing out in me for a long time but GOSH, talk about true cleansing. Being a mother of an infant has made me so much more aware of my deficit in this area. One morning awhile back, Josi decided to sleep in- glory! so I was getting myself showered and ready, slowing down at times to leisurely apply lotion or actually look thru my eye shadow colors before quickening my step again in case the little man woke up. And then in hit me. I am on someone else’s schedule.
Since I’ve never worked a 9-5 job, I’ve never really known the feeling of being locked down to someone else’s schedule. I’ve always had quite a bit of freedom within my career and obviously in my personal life. I am a big “when I feel like it, I’ll do it” person. Whether that be cleaning or shopping or scratching my husband’s back- whether it be cooking dinner, working out, or showering…I am a fan of doing things when I want to.
I finally stopped the other morning in bewilderment over the fact that I really can’t do things like I used to (you mom pros are probably thinking- duh!). Thankfully I’ve gotten somewhat accustomed to this new way of life but it just continues to amaze me that I still get annoyed at times; when I don’t quite finish something or I change into my work out clothes only to get side-tracked by my child’s need. Shouldn’t I be used to this by now? I know it’s only been 3 1/2 months and it only gets exponentially more when we begin to add more kiddos to the mix…but will I ever be able to make my own schedule again?
God keeps reminding me that what I am doing for Josi, I am doing for Him also. And when I do it all with a joyful heart, it not only makes Jesus happy…it lifts my spirit and Josiah’s as well. I never want to quench the joy in his little heart; I want to nurture it and help him grow. The beautiful thing is that all the while, God is shaping and tearing and repositioning my heart to beat like His- which ultimately will make life much more full, in a good way.
So when I find myself longing for the olden days when I could wake up, head immediately to the shower…leisurely drink coffee while I got ready and then jump into the car after dressing…I just have to think one thing- “Josiah”. His smiles, his touch, his little chubby toes and soft fuzzy hair…it’s all the motivation I need to keep going and know that God is doing amazingly wonderful things in my life and in my family.