When I dreamed of a morning alone with God staring at the ocean from our beach balcony, I did not factor in a 6am wake up call from my dearest son. For some reason his body clock that normally enjoys 14 hour nights of sleep, suddenly switched to wanting only 7 hours. Hmmm.
Anyway, thankfully for this bleary eyed momma, he is happily content on the floor; playing with one little toy. And I am happily content staring at the ocean waves as they roll in one after another.
There is something about the ocean. I used to think everyone thought the ocean was amazing but then I moved to the midwest and found people who have never even been there…let alone enjoy reveling in it’s awesomeness.
But now that I am here again, at the shore, albeit Virginia’s…I remember. How can people deny the fact that the Creator made the earth when one glance at the ocean makes me teary-eyed? The ocean is so vast and powerful. It’s beauty seems endless, a constant tumbling of waves showing His majesty.
It’s been a long time since I’ve stared at the ocean by myself so forgive me while I gush. I have a song stuck in my head…”I’m so unworthy, but still You love me…the moon and the stars, declare who You are…” and I can’t help but notice how the waves of the ocean keep crashing over and over and with each white-washed end I see God’s love.
I could never do enough to earn God’s love and acceptance yet He freely gives it to me. And no matter what I do, it keeps coming, just like the waves. Sometimes it overwhelms me- the speed and power with which He fiercely loves and calls me His. I’m so unworthy.
It’s funny, some days I think I’m worthy. It’s like, I’ve got everything “together” in a sense- house clean, dishes done, meals made, well-kept son, being a loving wife…I’m feeling good, feeling like there’s a reason for God to smile at me. But then soon enough it hits me. All those things have nothing to do with God’s love for me- his smile at me. He loves me because He created me and because He wants a relationship with me. And usually at the same time He gently reminds me that I’m so unworthy but still He loves me- and won’t stop loving me. In fact, His love will never stop crashing over me like the waves of the ocean…and somehow, by His grace, I get it.
He won’t stop loving me. He just doesn’t want to.
To me, the ocean shouts of God’s glory. The ocean is where He speaks to me the loudest. When we arrived at our hotel last night at midnite, the first thing I did was open up our balcony door and sit down. Immediately tears welled up in my eyes because I could feel the presence of the Lord. I knew I should have been unpacking, changing my kid’s diaper, setting up his bed…there was a myriad of “just arrived at a hotel” things I needed to do…but all I could do was stare and listen.
And it’s as though I could finally breathe. And now, that’s all I want to do.