Second children don’t get as much attention as the first. I find it odd that I am thinking about this; but I am realizing it more and more. I don’t even have my second child yet, and I see it happening.
When we awaiting our first baby, our first match; there was little else I ever thought about. I can look back into those journals and see pages riddled with prayers and thoughts and dreams for the child we now call Josiah. Back then I didn’t even know where he was or that he was even a he. I was just so consumed with this monumental step in our lives looming (in a good way) before us.
But now, with the eminence of baby dos coming soon, it sometimes takes a phone call from our lawyer to remind me it’s happening. I pray for Josiah constantly and should almost wear a proverbial string on my finger to remind me about the other little boy getting ready for his entrance into our home.
It’s not that I’m not thrilled, because I am. I can’t wait to meet him! When Josi was coughing in the middle of the night, I went in to cuddle him and as he laid sprawled out all over me; I thought about the nights ahead, when a sweet tiny little boy will be curled up on my chest. I am instantly brought back to the moment we met Josi in the hospital and saw his tiny fingers and toes and big mop of hair and literally can’t wait to meet #2.
But life just keeps moving here for me now. I’ve done my initial “I’m a mom now” freakout wrestling…there’s routines established, and milestones being passed as I type. Seriously, Josiah is learning things faster than I can think about the possibility of him doing stuff- trippy! But I know that I am getting ready to go through a whole different kind of wrestling when our family grows. And I have no idea how I will handle it.
Will I freak out? Will I second guess my calling to be a mom? Will I turn into a zombie? And a friend asked me yesterday- are you worried that you won’t be able to give as much love to your second baby as you did to Josiah? To which, I realized, my fear stands more in the thoughts about Josiah- will I be able to give him the love and attention he needs while I care for another kiddo? I’m not even worried that I won’t have enough love for the newborn; my concerns are for Josi, the one I know already.
In the end it all comes down to trusting in Jesus. I know that He is the one who makes all things possible and He has led me this far- He is faithful to continue. And it’s little glimpses, like watching Josi, breaking out in uncontrollable laughter when he plays with Brinks, that makes me long for the days when Josi and his little brother will play tug-a-war with toys and laugh hysterically together…and that’s when I’m reminded to pray. We can’t wait to meet you little buddy.