i am sitting here right now, actually letting myself feel the loss of dear friends…not that we’ve lost their friendship but we’ve lost their presence. and for obvious reasons- these losses hurt the most. i could lament how i’m tired of saying goodbye to friends over and over as they move or we do…but mostly, i just want to write about being sad. about feeling that pit it my stomach that makes my eyes well up with tears at the mere thought of not being able to see them regularly. i hate it. it doesn’t help that this couple feels like a part of our family and that in the last 10 years, i’ve almost always lived near someone in this dear family…i’m not sure what its gonna be like…but i know i’m not going to like it. tears are falling and i’m just sad. of course we bless them as they go because we totally know it’s what they should do and we’re even excited for them…but it doesn’t make the pain any less.
i’ve always hated goodbyes…so much so, that often when we move/someone moves, i just pretend that our last hug really isn’t the final one…i pretend i’ll see them again in the next few days- even though we both know i won’t…even when they are stepping into their moving truck after the goodbye- i like “see you later”…to pretend that they are just going on a big trip…and in my perfectly dreamed-up world, all of my favorite people that i’ve had to say goodbye to meet up in a little beach town someday to live the rest of our days… yes, i have totally daydreamed that reality.
thank goodness today i have a distraction- my wonderful parents are flying in for ten days and i am soooo excited and thankful…i think if they weren’t coming, i’d just want to curl up in a ball in cry for days. and that would mean jos would be very confused- he doesn’t quite understand what it means when mommy cries…
i hate goodbyes and that’s the truth.
so, see you later chris and elise.