I cracked open a brand new journal the other morning and was filled with anticipation. Every time I start a new journal I get excited- as if the pages are going to turn my life into adventure and I’ll be able to look back someday and marvel…mostly about how far I’ve come. But it’s not the pages that make my life exciting; rather they are simply good for remembering my thoughts and dreams- a way of recording the good and bad. And sometimes providing the avenue that gives my thoughts a way of organization…as if my journals align my ever-moving brain into a sequence that finally makes sense.
As a child, I would journal very concretely…chronicling who I hung out with that day or what my teacher said to me…or even what I ate. My dad likes to remind me of a vacation journal I once created- in which I wrote down every single thing I ate for the entire road trip…right down to the gas station treats. Sure, I added feelings at times or frustrations about certain people…but for the most part it was very founded in the every day.
Somewhere along the way though, I started writing to God. It slowly morphed into many more thoughts and dreams…and while from time to time I’ll add what’s actually happening in life- for the most part, it’s a dialogue between me and Jesus…about Him and of course, mostly about me.
I like writing. It’s often a form of therapy for me as I tend to struggle sharing my innermost thoughts vocally; in a way that makes sense. In the early days of dating Bart I handed over my penned thoughts in hopes that he would understand me a bit better. It worked. He loved reading my journals. It was so cute to listen to the way he marveled at my “deepness”- ha! A lightbulb went off around that time too- the realization that I don’t let many people into my brain…and I probably should.
I suppose the creation of this blog was/is my attempt to share more of me. It’s not always or even rarely my deepest thoughts…but I’m hoping that as I continue in this blogventure that I will grow comfortable with letting you in.