I loved the reaction this post got yesterday and decided I would offer some explanation since clearly some people thought I was exaggerating. Hehe…
I’ve never used one of those giant awkward car shopping carts before. 3 years ago, when we moved back to new jersey I naively thought grocery shopping would still be the enjoyable thing it was. Yet, after repeatedly sweating profusely while trying to not run into every single person and speed crazily through the aisles so as to look like a native, I conceded that food shopping in the midwest is much more my style. I think fondly of the days of strolling down the empty aisles, reading food labels with no stress of angry eyes staring me down as I slightly blocked their raceway. So for reals…the idea of trying to wrangle an even bigger cart around jersey peeps?! Forget about it.
I’ve never taken all 3 of my kids to any store together, ever. This is true, I swear…and I don’t ever swear. Much thanks to my dearest husband’s very flexible job and the invention of grocery delivery services (read: PeaPod) I have steered my nerves way clear of the mess that is 3 small kiddos surrounded by a-lot-of-things-they-cannot-have aka: a store. Actually true story- up until Josiah was about 3 he didn’t even realize that we could buy things and take them out of a store. He’d literally just touch stuff on shelves and then return each item, no questions asked- like it was a museum. ha!
I’ve never played kids music in my car. This little confession dates back to my single days when I’d ride with moms in their cars and die a slow death listening to the most annoying of kid’s music. It was like nails on a chalkboard. Truth be told, I like some kid’s music and being an elementary school teacher in the past, I sang my fair share of it… but I figure- it’s my car, I can pick the music. And the beauty is- our kids love our music now and they don’t know any better. Win/win.
I’ve never bathed a child 2 days in a row. If you don’t know me well, then you don’t know my struggle with bath time. What started as a save-the-afro-hair thing turned into a baths-are-too-much-work thing. It’s sad, but I just hate baths. Showers will be implemented asap- I’m thinking first grade is a great time to initiate that.
I rarely feed my kids lunch. No, I don’t neglect them- promise. I think this started when Josiah began eating baby food. Behind lost sleep and potty training, feeding baby food to infants might be my least favorite thing about parenting. Sooo in an effort to balance my distaste, I just fed baby Jos two meals a day… and since Regan came just a year later, I kept on doing it. To this day, for the most part, my kiddos eat a good breakfast usually and then snack until nap time. When they wake, it’s a snack until dinner time. Whenever I have babysitters I try and remember to tell them no lunch is needed, but I get weird looks sometimes…so we have, on occasion, pretended the lunch exists in our children’s lives.
I’ve never taken any kid clothes shopping, for anyone. I love shopping for clothes and ever since we had kids, I’ve loved shopping for them more than myself. But, confession…I mostly shop online anyway and the idea of taking my three into the Gap makes me so tired I want to take a nap. I seriously cannot imagine how that would be beneficial. They don’t know what a mall is yet, and I’m completely okay with that. I just realized that I will be taking my oldest to the Uniform Shop this month but only so I don’t end up buying him high-water pleated pants.
I’ve never taken them to a movie theatre. I actually don’t think this is all too crazy of a confession. My oldest is only five anyway, and is pretty sensitive to anything even remotely sad or bad on film. But also have you ever sat down to relish a good flick in the dark only to hear a baby crying or a kid whining…over and over? I’m not sure how that’s fun for the parent or the kid. So, I’m holding out for Finding Dori– summer 2016.
I’ve rarely taken them to restaurants…it’s just.not.worth.it. When Josiah was a baby we rarely hesitated to enjoy a meal out, but I can still picture that one meal that ended it all after Regan joined our family. He was probably a few months old, and we brought my parents to the Cheesecake Factory. I think we got through about half the meal before Regan woke up crying and I was forced to tragically miss my meal entirely?!!? What the what? That night I vowed, no more restaurants with kids for a long time. To me it’s not worth the price for the stress…trust me, I love me some take out…but fine dining with little ones is for the birds.
I’ve never cooked dinner for more than 3 nights in a row. I used to love to cook. I remember getting married and trying all sorts of recipes and getting creative and inventive and then BAM. First baby arrived and I didn’t even know how I would keep myself alive, what with my being so selfish and all. There was definitely no love for cooking anymore. I go through spurts now, but I’m just not usually inspired. I love the idea of family dinners and I do dream about creating that reality every weeknight, but for now, it’s hit or miss.
I’ve never had a regular cleaning schedule at my house. I’m sensing a theme. Ha! Can you tell I don’t like doing something that I have to do? I recall vividly being a new mom and hearing about how this friend of mine was structuring her days now that she stayed at home. She designated Monday for laundry and Tuesday for food shopping and Wednesday for cleaning and so on…I was jazzed- thinking it would alleviate my monotony and endless desire to lay on the couch when I wasn’t needed by a tiny human. Nope…instead it gave me figurative hives, thinking I had to clean a toilet every Wednesday. Never stuck. Oh well.
I rarely take them to parks. I used to take Josiah to the park in Missouri. All he ever did was swing in the baby swing, but it made me feel like a good mom that I was “getting him out”. Lol. Granted, we lived across the street from a park, so it wasn’t that big of an effort. But soon after Regan arrived, I found parks to be cumbersome. I couldn’t be in two places at once. Then we moved to New Jersey and I decided that “park” would translate as “beach” to my children from then on. And it has been wonderful. We go to the “park” even in the dead of winter and it’s peaceful, I can sit quietly and stare at the waves with no fear of kids falling or having to endure small talk…and we’re all happy. However, on our recent trip to Oregon, my kids adored the park there. You should have heard Regan on the swings…it was like he’d tasted a little slice of heaven. So cute. Maybe that’s where he and I will go on our dates…if only I could find an empty park.
How’s that Aaron? Two posts in two days. Setting some kind of record…