**this was written last week when barty was gone:) lest he think i’m sad today; i’m not bc it’s our made up valentines day and full of surprises from him tonite!!
God has been speaking to me a lot lately about my daily life. As a mom of two youngins’ it tends to seem very monotonous. I’ve heard about a million talks about loving Jesus in the mundane and that this job is the highest calling on earth, blah blah blah. I agree wholeheartedly, don’t get me wrong; but sometimes I find myself trying to make my life about something else.
I will go weeks without cleaning or doing laundry. I will watch movies or play on the internet and just simply ignore the life that is going on around me. I’m just being honest here- while in the back of my head, Mike Bickle’s “Power of a Focused Life” whispers to me…the rest of my mind battles to just get thru. I dream about a few years down the road, where hopefully I’ll be sitting on the sidelines watching peewee soccer and riding around on my beach cruiser with the kiddos.
I play dress-up on the internet and think about the day when I actually have a reason to look cute and dress up- because I have a place to go. I buy crafting supplies so I can create stuff that no one ever sees. I read books but I don’t have a cool book club to go to. I dwell on the fact that several of my favorite people are moving away from KC and am kinda getting tired of that reality.
I hear a few of you thinking “get out there, do stuff, dress up just because, be thankful you get to stay at home, etc…” I know. All true, but its not that simple at the moment. Sometimes I look at the reality of a two kid nap schedule (they sleep at alternating times) that lies before me and notice the startlingly short spanse of time that is free to “get out” and be social with other people. But on the other hand, I’m not willing to sacrifice their sleep right now. So…hmmm.
Every other week, it’s just me and the boys; as bart travels for work. I feel as though I am constantly just awaiting his return…when actually I need to live real life in the midst of his absence. I’m definitely a “take the easy route” kinda girl, but I am realizing that sometimes just sucking it up is worth it. I mean, come on- the park is across the street not 2 miles away. And finger painting is good motivation to give him a bath…. and I love to color- I just need to get a girly coloring book and some normal size crayons for myself. **update: i did it! I bought a girly coloring book and crayons- today is color mania if jos is feeling good.
Recently my husband and I have started playing board games while the kids sleep. It’s cute and I really really love it. No matter that the games we play are meant to be for more than 2 players- it’s quality time spent laughing with my favorite person. But of course, I get to thinking about how fun it will be to play board games as a family some day. Ah. I’m a dreamer.
So really, the moral of this boring sob story is: don’t wish away the ‘now’. Find contentment in what God has for you at the moment. I’m preachin to myself. Oh yeah, and my favorite: “they won’t stay babies forever”…which to me is like a reason to dance and cheer!!!
So, this wasn’t exactly the funny motherhood confessional post of yore…but sometimes, I just gotta be honest…and dull…and depressing.
I’m okay with it tho.
Tomorrow is a new day. Even if it may look exactly like today.
