the end of an era

It’s funny.  Since I was 5 years old and started school, I remember having to get up in the morning and be somewhere.  Through the age of 30, for the most part, I had to be up at a certain time and go to school or a job or something.  But then, one day, I became a mom.  At the age of 30, I stopped having to be somewhere at a certain time.  Sure, I had to be up and to be honest, it was much harder to get up on another human’s time table, but I never had to go anywhere if I didn’t want to. For the past four years, my life has looked relatively similar.

Being a stay at home mom is a gift for which I am super grateful.  And today as I looked at my calendar it hit me.  Josiah starts pre-k next Thursday and while it’s only two mornings a week, it means I must get all three kids up at out the door before 8am.  This isn’t optional anymore.  This isn’t based on whether it was a long night or whether I’m exhausted or someone needs to sleep in or anything…it’s mandatory.  School.

I’m really excited for Josiah to begin.  I know I’ll miss him and be sad but that the same time, it’s a fresh perspective on life for me- only juggling two kids for a few hours a week.  I’m excited for the possibilities…using the double stroller…shopping at Costco bc two kids can fit up front…easier playdates…some one on one time with Regan while Maya naps.

But what hit me today was that this is the beginning.  Next year, it’ll be FIVE days a week?!?  And forever and ever after that…….my life as a mom is about to drastically change.  For the past four years, I’ve been able to stay at home, in my pajamas, unshowered for as many days as I want.  I’ve lamented at times about how hard it’s been to transition into this job of motherhood.  But the loneliness has been one of the hardest parts.  Of course, I know that it’s partly my fault.  But it also comes with the territory of being a mom of three young kiddies.

So, as I look at the future- it seems bright.  I’m forced to be in contact with other people on a regular basis.  It’ll be good for me.  My oldest is going to spend time away from me.  It’ll be good for me (and him!).  I have to wake up with an alarm two days a week.  Dang.  It cracks me up that it was such a normal part of my life before kids came along.  I hate alarm clocks.  But I’m loving the thought of a new season.

I’m rambling so this is where I’ll stop.

currently…

going…on a date tonite. WOOHOO.  your classic dinner and a movie plus possibly buying a living room chair. heheh. normal right?

craving…cheese. goat cheese, feta, cheddar…all of it.

wearing…my hair in a new style- parted down the middle- yikes?! and messy. we’ll see if I can handle the change.

feeling…good, even though it’s the middle of august and for the first time in my life I do not want fall to come.

making…popsicle garland for regan’s birthday party which is quickly approaching. yesterday I got a bunch of inspiration, so my to-do list is a mile long for it now.

watching…regan jump around like a mad man.  And also watching the new HGTV series my big home renovation with the Hatmakers- I love Jen’s writing…and so far it’s very entertaining.

believing…for new beginnings and fresh starts coming soon.

not believing…that Josiah starts school in THREE weeks?!  Eek.

knowing…I have the best husband in the world.

missing…my sister dearest.  But I get to see you in less than 2 months!!!

it’s not just a backpack

I just ordered Josiah his first school backpack.  EEK.  I also just downloaded his first school supply list.  DOUBLE EEK.  I have written many supply lists for other students to complete, but never have I been on this side of things.  I get to take my little buddy to Target and buy dry erase markers and playdoh and tissues and even a pencil box?!?!  And then I get to label them!

I’m vasilating between pure excitement and sadness.  Josiah is gonna rock pre-k.  He will love every minute of it and want to go every single day, instead of just the two mornings a week he’s signed up to attend.  But it also means he won’t be with me two mornings a week.  So weird.

So, back to the backpack shopping.  I know for some moms this wouldn’t be a big deal at all and they would throw the latest cartoon character bag into their cart and keep right on going (which is awesome).  And I also know that Jos would probably love the latest cartoon character splashed all over his new school backpack, but I can’t bring myself to do it.  I want his backpack to be the right amount of casual and cool.  It’s funny that I’m admitting this to the internet, since it should be embarrassing to me, but it’s totally not.  And to tell you the truth, I have thought about this long and hard.  Do I go old school Jansport?  Or the classic kiddy Skiphop animal?  Or a surfer brand like Quiksilver or Volcom?

Yes.  I’m serious.  Stop rolling your eyes.

I did make a decision.  And GASP…I did it without Josiah’s help.  He will be sporting a sweet gray and black checkered quicksilver backpack to his very first school and he will love it- because I will present it with such flare and excitement that he will be overjoyed!  And…the kid is easy to please.

Just wait til I have to pick out a pencil box…

 

 

random #792

MY SISTER COMES IN 2 DAYS!

I think my DSLR is broken :(  Sad. day.  Especially since MY SISTER COMES IN 2 DAYS and she’s the master photographer.

I bought 4 tubs of Talenti Gelato for our friends we had over yesterday but they left before we had dessert.  Guess it’ll  be treats for a certain SISTER WHO COMES IN 2 days…and me.

I am procuring babysitters for adventures with MY SISTER WHO COMES IN 2 days since bart is leaving for a week.  Dinner out…breakfast out…antiquing and who knows what else?!

Last week I went to the beach TWO TIMES- sadly this is big for me this summer.  Last summer Krista would scoff at my excitement but heck, 8 month olds are tough at the beach.  Who knew?  Thankfully MY SISTER WHO COMES IN 2 days will come to the beach with me and that will make it much more enjoyable.

I made a major life decision today.  I threw out ALL our puzzles.  They are the kid puzzle kind…where every piece has a spot in the wood slabs…and it was my grand plan to do daily puzzle time.  Instead, all the pieces have been scattered to the ends of the earth everywhere in this house and Maya chews on them and it’s just not good.  So.  I collected every piece I could find and chucked them all.  NONE contain every piece anymore, so I couldn’t donate them anywhere but it felt so good to be done with them.

We got new speakers for our computer and they are sweet.  Now we can blast music throughout the whole house.  Downside is, I don’t hear Maya very quickly when she wakes up from her naps.  Oops.

Did I mention that last week, one of the beach trips I made was with JUST bart.  I decided it was time to experience the beach with no children…like the olden days.  Ohhhh it was glorious.  We went in the morning, armed with iced coffee, beach chairs and a book…well, bart had his surf board.  He surfed and I sat in the sunshine, quietly taking it all in.  I actually closed my eyes at one point- what a treat!!! And I read several chapters of a book…imagine that?  Yes, I watched Bart surf, or tried to watch, but it’s hard when all the wetsuit humans blend together.  3 hours of delicious alone time- followed by a delightful seafood lunch on the patio of a boat dock.

Did I mention MY SISTER IS COMING IN 2 DAYS?!?!

 

mymy

DSC_0246

I should know it’s bad when I go to look for photos of Maya and realize this one from over a month ago is cute enough.  I have lots of phone pics but that’s infinitely more difficult to get to this little blog…or so I pretend.

I should also be ashamed that I was planning on doing monthly blog posts about this amazing little girl when she arrived, and um…I can’t recall if I’ve done any.  So, this is HAPPY 8 MONTHS- which technically was last Friday but who is counting really.  This is the first child I’ve ever gotten their age off consistently- I can’t wait to be rid of this whole “month” thing.

I should admit that I just recorded her new tooth even though she got her first one last month…and since that first one, three more have shot through.  She’s probably the least tolerating of the whole process and tylenol has been our friend lately.  It’s so funny how you get used to a gummy smile and then teeth appear and you forget what a toothless grin looked like.  Every time.  It’s so cute though, why are tiny teeth adorable?

Speaking of her smile- out of all our babies, we’ve had to work the hardest for her  smile.  We joke that she won’t give it out simply because we smile at her…we really gotta earn it, except for when she wakes up from naps.  She doles out smiles and laughter really well then.  But it’s always worth it, no matter how long it takes- because her whole face lights up.  She has the most adorable dimples in the world and her eyes crinkle, her nose scrunches…precious, oh so precious.

Maya is a mover.  I’ve never had a baby start crawling at 6 months.  It’s insane and weird.  I’m a big fan of slow learners.  Ha.  The funny part is that she can crawl, pull up on anything, walk along stuff, climb stairs…but she can’t hold her bottle up to feed herself.  She LOVES to be moving and at this stage every single thing goes in her mouth.  Thankfully we’ve never gotten out of the baby/toddler stage so we don’t own small-enough-to-choke toys and I’ve just decided we won’t for awhile.  And I literally think I’m gonna turn around one day and see her walking across the room.  That girl is going places.

Her time in the jumperoo is definitely the most entertaining.  She loves to jump hard and swing around and laughs or yells most of the time.  It’s perched on a ledge so she misses the stair sometimes but just keeps going.  It’s hilarious.  She loves her brothers- they probably make her smile the most.  She is teaching Regan to share…something he hasn’t had to do much.  And in turn, Regan is taking advantage of someone to boss around.

I just love her chubby little thighs and sweet hands and beautiful dark skin…she is growing way too fast, but I am grateful for the gift of who she is to our family.  It just hit me the other day that we only have 4 months left of formula and I realized how fast this year has gone, even though it’s felt like the slowest year on the planet in other ways.

I bought her some pajamas last week that say “Read to Me” so I will be reminded that I should read her books.  Our only avid reader happens to be the one I read books to the most as a baby…Josiah.  I also bought her some fresh new bottles that are bright pink- she’s gotta be tired of all this blue and green. heheh.  And just recently I started playing Praise baby and Baby Signing time dvds for her- which she LOVES.  It is so funny tho- while Jos was always comatose as he watched, she is so different.  You can actually see her eyes follow every movement on the tv and if you say her name, she actually responds.  Is this the beginning of the differences between boys and girls?  Hmmm

I tried painting her nails for two seconds before I realized I have a hard time even cutting her nails, so why would I think polish would ever have a chance to dry on her sweet little fingers?  Silly me.  Baby girl swimsuits are still my favorite thing to buy- so. darn. cute.

I’ve started rambling.  Anyway, all that to say, we love you so much maya.  Josiah and I were discussing full names the other day and he listed off everyones…josiah henry farrell, regan ocean farrell, krista joy farrell, barton kevin farrell and when I asked what his sister’s was, without skipping a beat he replied: maya papaya farrell.

So, maya papaya farrell…you’re the best.

 

everything is awesome

The title is a reflection of the latest movie we watched- the LEGO one.  That song is so stuck in my head that I bust it out all the time.  It’s right up there with do you want to build a snowman.

Anyway, I thought it was time to offer a few awesome things I’ve been enjoying lately…

talenti

Seriously this gelato screams deliciousness and is sooooo smooth, I cannot even begin to describe the amazingness.  What’s funny is that we had a friend gushing about it a few weeks back and then not even a week later, our dinner guests brought it for dessert.  We have tried many flavors but our favorites are Caribbean Coconut and Sea Salt Caramel.

The Art of Arranging Flowers is not as good as my favorite book about flowers, but its really really good-  a cute entertaining heartfelt read.  And it’s not a how-to about flower arrangements, although I would read that too.

mod

I kinda took a break from nail polish for the past few months, mostly because having a baby around means I can rarely find enough time to put it on, let alone let it dry.  But, my obsession is revived a tad after finding the most beautiful fresh pink color I’ve ever seen.  It’s called OPI Mod About You.

rosa-yellow-wallpaper_2About a month ago, one of my favorite artists came out with a line of wallpaper.  I died.  I have a few ideas for small areas in my house that could use some lively statements- aka: wallpaper.  Bart cringed when I told him my idea, but honestly after seeing Rifle Paper Co’s wallpaper selection…how could I go wrong?  This one shown is my front runner- what do you think?

Chasing Life is a really good tv show I just found recently.  It’s on ABC Family and is based on the life of a 24 year old girl who just found out she has cancer.  It seems pretty real so far and super interesting, not to mention entertaining.

popcornA certain friend named Jill (darn you, just kidding) brought a bag of this to my house a few weeks ago, and I may have secretly eaten almost all of it myself.  It’s delicious, low calorie and pretty natural as far as I can tell.  Its just really really really good.  Go buy some today.  In fact, buy a few bags because they don’t fill the whole thing and if you have to share, well…let’s just say you’ll be sad.

 

i will finish this post.

I just went through and deleted ten different partially begun blog posts.  This is tragic, mostly because some of them were really good beginnings.  But, that’s all they were- and thus I’ve moved on.  It’s kinda sad because I want to remember this part of my life and feel like this blog will help me do that…but at the same time, the lack of posts will remind me as well- of days when I couldn’t even complete normal household duties in a timely manner and how most of the time I want to crawl back into my bed for a few more hours, even minutes of precious sleep.  I’ll blog again.  Maybe someday I’ll get a laptop and spend hours in a bookstore pecking away at keys to bring together some coherently deep thoughts, but for these days- it’ll just be sporadic at best.

Currently in my house at 9pm, I am hearing the voices of 2 out of 3 children from their bedrooms.  I’m refusing to bend to their wishes for attention, even though I’m sure as soon as I finish this sentence I will.  But no, then I remember why I just deleted so many partially written posts…I’m staying right here…at least for one more paragraph.

Sometimes I don’t know why God gave us three children, so close together.  I mean, I love them to pieces and can’t imagine life without them- or when I do, it’s very sad but quiet.  People give me looks when I mention the amount and ages of my kiddos but I smile because I know we are blessed.  I mean, it’s not like it was an accident that we ended up with these babies.  Adoption is definitely not in the same category as an “oops we’re pregnant” but either way, God is in control and we chose to say yes three times in three years.  Am I crazy?

On good days I read stacks of books aloud in fun voices and make up adventures about animals and dress my kids in clean clothes and maybe even venture beyond our house walls.  But on bad days I linger on my pillow for much longer than I should and drink more coffee than normal while telling my kids to step back from the coffee aka: my lap where the cup rests…smiles come slower and dvds get turned on faster… pajamas stay on for days.  I literally sing a made up song entitled “I NEED YOU JESUS”, which also happens to be the only lyrics as well…and I sing those four words over and over, sometimes prettily but most of the time rather angrily and loud.  My boys have been known to sing with me, which thankfully always makes me smile, and usually melts my cold cold heart.

Ground hog’s day is a term I’ve begun using at times to describe this season of my life, but when I can see clearly, I know it’s not ever the same day over again.  I get to spend my days with three beautiful little humans who are growing and changing daily.  It’s so stinkin awesome to have this front row seat.  As their mom, I get more hugs than any other person, I get more face time with each one than anyone else on this planet.  How did I get so blessed?  I LOVE children, and always have.  I’ve always dreamed of being a mom.  Back when I was teaching, I used to sit at my desk sometimes and think up who my kid would be like, based on the students in my class.  I’d assign traits like “jokester”, “adorable”, “quirky”, and “leader” to my imaginary son and it always made me smile.

Its funny how strongly I want my kids to go to bed some evenings, but how often I lay in bed later on with thoughts of grabbing one to cuddle.  I pity myself for not being able to have a break these days, yet where else would I want to be at this point in my life?  It comes down to trusting in who God is and who He has made me.  I’m believing that even in all my weakness, my children will know true love.  That is worth it- thinking about them hearing His voice and feeling Him close.

Lately I’ve been wrestling with being completely honest on this blog for fear of being judged.  Don’t ask me by who- I don’t even know.  But I suppose in the end, I want to stay true to my confessions of motherhood.  It’s not easy or gloriously beautiful every moment, but I’m changing and so is my family.  When people shake their heads as they see 3 small humans attached to me, I shake mine right along with them.  When they say they don’t know how I do it, I say I don’t know either.  But I do know.

Jesus.